So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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