he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
