My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
