Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We don't watch enough power rangers
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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