Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
