we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Your tits are I can't wait for
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
