She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
