Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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