The best revenge is premature balding
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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