you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
