do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
