Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
