I wish life had little blips of pornography
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
