so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
