i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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