Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
