So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
