there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
