...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
