It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
