at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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