life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
