Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
