we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
