I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
