he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
