sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
