About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
