Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there was a trapeze. enough said
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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