Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
