Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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