I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
