Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
