I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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