did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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