I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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