I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
