I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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