my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
