My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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