Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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