Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
