Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
