I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
