I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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