the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
