my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
