I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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