it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
