If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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