omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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