I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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