When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
