69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
